When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
