well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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