just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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