I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
