my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
