I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My penis needs a shock collar
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
