FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
