Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
