my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
