I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
