Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
