At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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