the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
