She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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