i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
