proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
