I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
