You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
