I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
