Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
