May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
