fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
