Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
