Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
