So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I supernannyed him into submission
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
