So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
