so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
