I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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