I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just want to make out with him forever
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
