So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
