his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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