I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
