I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
