There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Enjoy the penises
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
