A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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