yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
How does it feel to date your dad?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
