hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
