Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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