new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
