Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
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