The maid of honor just puked.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
