She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I didn't notice because vodka
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
