You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
