We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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