The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
