You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
