Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
