at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
