I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
