woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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