I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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