I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
