He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
