She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
