Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
