Dude my mom stole all your condoms
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
