end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize