Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
