we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
