your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
