The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
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