i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
