Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
