So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
