..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
