There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
