Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
