it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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