Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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