This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
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