i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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