trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I need water and some morals
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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